The Sheldon Cooper Paradigm Shift
by Streamingwords
Summary: After an unexpected accident, Sheldon Cooper undergoes a paradigm shift of epic proportions. Future Shenny. T rating for now.
1. Chapter 1

It was inarguable fact that, despite the reluctant acknowledgement that the universe was made up of constantly evolving factors, Sheldon Cooper operated within a set of fixed parameters. His life adhered to certain strict principles, followed an efficient schedule, and seldom deviated from these lifetime patterns without a clear statement of his disapproval.

He lived this way because it was the most practical method. He had demonstrated that much when – at the tender age of seven – a young Sheldon Cooper had sought to prove to his mother that the time for expelling biological waste was directly in correlation with the times that breakfast, lunch and dinner were served. Predictably, she had responded to his data in the normal fashion: By throwing his white board diagrams into the trash and sending him to his room to ponder on the mysteries of Jesus.

Little did she know that Sheldon had already copied all of his findings into his Super-Secret Journal. In Latin. He had to admit that his initial skepticism that learning such an archaic language would prove to be useful had actually been inaccurate, and knowing the language held merit. After all, no one else in the house understood Latin. Especially his mother.

These findings became the bylaws of living his life. Though the patterns had been tweaked through the years as he discovered new activities that daily living called for (like purchasing groceries, handling bill payments, and obligatory social interaction), Sheldon had more or less stuck to it.

Yet there was no diagram in his journal (now graduated to his First Officer's Log) that accounted for the variables of everything in his day going completely wrong.

A day like today, for example.

It had started during the night, when REM sleep had proven fitful due to persistent nightmares. The subsequent glass of warm milk that Sheldon drank in an effort to return to sleep had led to an unscheduled biological function at five fifty-eight in the morning. That meant that he woke two minutes ahead of the proper waking time.

Sheldon had attempted to balance this out by eating his cereal two minutes later than normal. Yet he was shocked to discover that the milk in the refrigerator was an insufficient amount needed to fill his bowl for the correct ratio of flakes to liquid.

Then he was horrified to discover that his morning program had been replaced by a different syndicated sitcom. Without any warning whatsoever! Sheldon had stared at the television screen for a full minute before his mind processed itself past denial and into disapproval at the development. He decided to forgo watching television and proceed straight to showering in preparation for a day of work. With any luck, he hoped that it would fare better.

~*~

"So he says, 'one to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe'." Leonard finished with a goofy smirk, his shoulders pitching with laughter as they walked up the stairs side-by-side, each balancing their own sacks of groceries.

His snickering laughter filtered away into nothing as he noted the bland expression that Penny had fixed him with. The blonde blinked at him a few times, before she turned away towards the door of her apartment. "You've told me that one before, Leonard. I didn't really get it that time either."

As she fished for her keys, Leonard looked hurriedly away towards the floor in awkward embarrassment. "Sorry. Physicist humor is an acquired taste." He glanced back at her with a hopeful smile. "But at least it beats chickens traversing road jokes, right?"

"I guess so." Penny had to wonder which she would have preferred, and could only decide that neither would have been the best option. Luckily she was able to shift the topic of conversation as she twisted away from her door to glance at the elevator nearby. "Hey! It looks like they've finally had someone out to work on the elevator."

Leonard turned with her, noting that the doors had been pushed open to expose the interior shaft. "Looks like it, all right." He ambled closer to the gap to investigate. The dusty yellow caution tape had been removed at some point during the day, replaced by a few fresh strips to cordon off the opening. "I remember hearing a rumor that they were finally going to get it fixed. They probably realized that the costs of repairing the elevator were less than the monthly costs of shampooing the carpet on the stairwells due to all the heavy foot traffic."

"It'll certainly make hauling groceries up to this floor less of a chore." Penny pointed out. "Speaking of which – shouldn't you get your stuff into the fridge before it spoils?"

Leonard looked down at the sacks. "Oh. You're right. I guess I was just stalling. Sheldon is probably going to give me hell for letting the milk nearly run out."

"Yeah.. Have fun with that!" Penny said cheerfully before the woman nudged her door open. Better that he deal with Sheldon on his own than to drag her into another of their weird domestic disputes. She hooked the back of her foot against the door to shut it behind her. Then a sound from the hallway behind her made the blonde pause in the act of retreating.

Penny twisted to see that Leonard had dropped his grocery sacks onto the ground in front of the closed door of his apartment. The bespectacled physicist had his back to her and was staring at a piece of paper that had been taped to his door. Something in his manner made Penny feel immediately uneasy. Struck by this intuition, she placed her groceries down on her coffee table before moving back out into the hallway. "Leonard? Sweetie, what is it?"

He tore his eyes away from the paper, an expression of shock coloring his face even paler than normal. Leonard plucked the paper down from the door as he looked over at her, his voice strained. "It's from the building manager. Sheldon is in the hospital. Apparently he fell down the elevator shaft."

Penny blinked. "What?!"

*~~*

"How exactly does someone just fall down an elevator shaft?" Howard asked in disbelief where he sat in the waiting room with the rest of them.

The hospital was abuzz with activity around their little group, as medical staff and other visitors moved around them. Raj had been watching the people milling around their area for a while now, and he opened his mouth to respond to the question only when he'd determined that Penny and all the other females around them were far enough away. "Well. As I understand it, from what the landlord explained, Sheldon had been behaving erratically before he fell. The manager stated that Sheldon had come out of the apartment and immediately began to complain to the workers that they were making too much noise for him to concentrate."

"It doesn't surprise me that he'd get worked up about them making noise." Howard responded with a roll of his eyes. "What I can't wrap my mind around is exactly how he could go from complaining about noise to the inside of an elevator shaft with it being an 'accident'."

Leonard stirred in his own chair across from them. He'd been staring dejectedly at the floor for the past half hour, waiting for some news from the doctor. "No one pushed him, if that's what you're wondering. It was apparently all Sheldon's doing. He first complained to the landlord about the noise, then he complained to the workers standing outside the shaft. And when that wasn't getting him anywhere, Sheldon decided to lean in and yell at the man working down inside the shaft instead. Then he lost his balance and fell right in the middle of his tirade. I think it was pretty lucky that the elevator wasn't too far down – if it hadn't broken his fall, then he probably would have been worse off."

Raj somberly shook his head. "Gravity is such a downer."

His mouth clamped shut as Penny walked back towards them with a few cans of soda in her hands. The blonde's face was still puffy and red from where she'd been crying on and off, but her composure seemed to be intact for the time being. "Sorry, guys, but they didn't have anything but diet flavors left in the vending machine."

"This is fine." Leonard told her, forcing a small smile as he accepted a can from her. He patted the seat next to him once she had given the other two their sodas. "Why don't you sit back down, Penny? Your pacing back and forth is making Raj nervous. Right Raj?"

Their Indian friend's eyes darted between Leonard and Penny, as he nodded vigorously.

"Sorry, Raj." Penny sighed as she folded up into the chair, drawing her legs up with her. "I'm just not good with hospitals. Or friends being in accidents. Or friends being in accidents being in the hospital." By the increasingly tremulous tone of her voice, it was clear that she was working towards another bout of crying.

Leonard promptly pulled out three tissues from the half-empty box on his other side, offering them to the blonde as Penny began to weep. "There, there. I'm sure that Sheldon is going to be just fine." He thought about it for a second, then added, "And I am sure that if he were here, he would just tease you about wasting your emotional energy."

"I can't help it that I'm an emotional woman and he is a Klingon." Penny wailed into the tissues as she wadded them up in front of her face.

"Actually, it's the Vulcans that don't have emotions. The Klingons are actually pretty—" Leonard paused in the midst of correcting Penny's error, noticing that she was glaring at him now. With a grimace in place, Leonard gingerly patted at the woman's shoulder. "There, there."

Howard looked past them, then jumped up from his seat. "Here comes the doctor!"

Leonard stood up as well as they all faced the approaching doctor. Leonard nervously licked his lips, wiping a sweaty palm against his slacks before sticking his hand out. "Hello, Doctor Price. I'm Doctor Leonard Hofstader – Sheldon's roommate?"

"Ah, yes, Doctor Hofstader." The older man firmly shook his hand. "You were listed among Doctor Cooper's emergency contacts, as I understand it."

"How is he, Doc?" Howard piped up beside them, as Raj strained eagerly beside him to hear the news.

"Sheldon is doing just fine." Doctor Price assured them with a nod. "His injuries weren't too bad; the height of the fall was fortunately very short, and Doctor Cooper managed to fall in such a way that the damage was decreased. His right arm was broken, and a couple of ribs were cracked. Yet aside from that, there were only some severe bruises."

Leonard exchanged a quick glance with the other three. Immediately, they all began wondering what their lives were going to be like having to deal with an injured Sheldon.

Doctor Price continued without noticing their panicked looks. "Though he did hit his head in the fall, and we have some concerns regarding the effects. While all scans indicate no lasting damage to his brain, there is still the chance that there may be some temporary disorientation during the healing process." He flipped open the chart in his hand, reading over the papers. "We intend to keep him under observation for a few days. However, he should be ready for release within the week if nothing else develops."

"When can we see him?" Leonard asked tentatively.

"You can visit him now, if you'd like." Doctor Price smiled. "It would probably be better for him to see a familiar face when he finally comes around." He clapped Leonard lightly on the shoulder. "Now if you will excuse me, I have other patients that I need to tend to. Good luck."

The four of them were silent as the doctor left. They exchanged looks again, uncomfortable. Swallowing thickly, Leonard broke the silence first. "So.. One of us should go in and check on Sheldon. You know.. make sure that he's doing okay and all."

"It's the friendly thing to do." Howard agreed cautiously.

Penny pursed her lips together. "He did just get hurt after all. We'd be heartless not to show him some support right now."

Raj nodded, before leaning in to whisper something into Howard's ear. The shorter man brightened at whatever he heard, smiling in agreement. "Raj is right. There is an easy way to determine who should visit Sheldon first."

The three science buffs of the group eyed each other in a way that made Penny scowl, before they chorused in unison. "Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock!"

~*~*

Penny opened the door to Sheldon's room as quietly as possible, sticking her head inside first to make certain that he wasn't prepared to snap at her, or to fix her with one of those stupid "deadly laser eyes" stares that always drove her crazy. Yet one look around told her that all was quiet. In fact, it appeared that Sheldon was not even awake yet. The only sounds in the room were the steady thrums and beeps of the electronic equipment monitoring him, and the whispered sound of his breathing. Penny closed the door with a click behind her and approached the bed.

Penny could barely suppress a wince at the sight of the normally meticulously groomed physicist. They had Sheldon's right arm fixed up in traction, that long limb hanging limply in the straps that supported it. His pale face was drawn taut even in sleep, undoubtedly from the pain that still penetrated his senses despite the medications they had pumped into him. Penny could see a spread of bruising at his hairline, as well as a smattering of them here and there on those patches of skin that the hospital gown did not cover. Sheldon's hair was an uncombed mess. Penny was momentarily impressed that hair so short could even become unkempt.

Bending over where Sheldon slept, the woman carefully reached over the top of him. She did her best to avoid contact with that bruise on his head as Penny let her fingers brush Sheldon's hair into a better sense of order. It was a gesture that was entirely maternal, probably due to how sad the sight of him was at the moment.

As she was passing her fingers through his hair a second time, Sheldon stirred.

She smiled down at him encouragingly as Sheldon's eyes drowsily fluttered open. Their color was surprisingly vivid against the contrast of the bruises, deep blue that was murky with disorientation. It took a few seconds before the fog left them and Penny realized that he was focused on her. She kept her voice to a low whisper. "Hello, sweetie. How do you feel?"

Sheldon studied her blandly as he considered the question. He licked his lips to wet them, managing to find his voice. It was rough, the timbre made all the more deep with a lack of use. "Thirsty. And I think I'm sore. Or at least I think I should be." Sheldon's eyes traveled over to the brace that held his arm, curiously staring at the contraption.

"I'll get you some water. Hold on." Penny grabbed up the pitcher of water that one of the nurses had thoughtfully left on the bedside table. She poured a glass for Sheldon, glad that he was still too mellowed out by the drugs to be difficult.

Sheldon shifted on the bed in order to sit up a little, his face twisting with discomfort. He reached up to take the glass from her with his free hand and drank it down with a few desperate swallows. Penny quirked an eyebrow as he held the emptied glass back towards her to indicate that he wanted more. As the woman refilled it, she murmured. "Leonard, Howard and Raj are outside in the waiting room. They wanted to make sure that you were doing all right. The doctor said that you are going to be just fine. They want to keep you here for the next few days."

"Just a few days." Sheldon echoed distantly, as he thoughtfully drank more water. "I suppose that my injuries aren't too bad, then. Though this is hardly comfortable for my arm. And this mattress is incredibly stiff." He was starting to sound more like his normal self, though Penny wasn't sure if that qualified as a positive sign or not. Sheldon handed his glass over to her with a sigh. "I guess it can't be helped." Cocking his head, he studied her at an angle. "You don't mind if I ask you a rather personal question, do you?"

"You never usually bother to ask permission." Penny remarked dryly. "But sure, go ahead and ask."

"It's two questions, actually." Sheldon amended his initial request, before staring at her even more intently. "My first question, naturally, is 'Who are you?'. And my follow-up question, incidentally, is 'Who am I?'."

Penny blinked. "What?!"


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews so far. It really helps encourage me. Otherwise, I'd be too shy to do this. :)

CBS owns all of these people. Lucky. (Also streaming this on livejournal. wee.)

* * *

Out of consideration for Sheldon's injuries still being tender enough to trigger pain, they decided that the easiest solution was to take him home in Penny's car instead of Leonard's clunker. Both Penny and Leonard had worked together to get Sheldon settled comfortably into the front seat, though getting the seat belt maneuvered around their friend's cast had been something of a chore. It did not help matters that Leonard was constantly fielding telephone calls from Sheldon's mother every fifteen minutes, more or less leaving Penny to have to manage on her own.

Penny glanced into her mirror to check that Leonard was not too distracted to buckle up. His voice filtered up quietly from the backseat. "Yes, Mrs. Cooper. Of course we're being careful with him. Sheldon hasn't even uttered one word of complaint – and you know how fussy he can be. Yes. I promise that I will call you back when we get to the apartment. Uh huh." He waved Penny on with an airy gesture, hurriedly locking his seat belt into place. "Yep. Okay, bye-bye."

"Did you finally manage to talk her out of flying all the way here?" Penny asked him once he'd hung up.

"Eh, nearly so." Leonard shook his head as he slipped his cell phone back into the pocket of his jacket. "Apparently she is consulting with her priest, her congregation, and the 'Good Lord Above' for guidance on the matter." He leaned forward slightly to smile at Sheldon in the passenger seat. "Oh, and you'll be happy to know that her entire social network is praying for you."

Sheldon looked away from where he'd been staring out the window to peer back at Leonard. "Really? Well, that's awfully nice of them, isn't it? I suppose if higher forces might somehow be persuaded to speed along my recovery than I could hardly deign to be ungrateful." His lips shaped a hint of smile. "I take it, from both your exchanges with my mother and based on my own interactions with her over the telephone, that she is very much a lover of this Jesus fellow?"

Penny nodded as she steered them through traffic. "Oh, God yes. Er.. no pun intended there. But yes, your mother is incredibly religious."

"She sends you knitted Jesus sweaters for your birthday every other year." Leonard added with a smirk. "You always hide them in the back of your closet in the off-hand chance that she might surprise you with a visit."

Sheldon looked slowly between the two of them, his face still plagued with flickers of confusion. "Ah ha." His eyes swiveled back to the cars driving around them as he seemed to absorb this new information.

Penny nearly rear-ended the car in front of them when Sheldon asked innocently, "Does that mean that I am also a religious fan of Jesus?"

Her face flushed with color when they both looked at her questioningly for the near collision. The blonde cleared her throat, flexing her fingers on the grip of her steering wheel. "Ah, not quite. Pretty much not at all. Well, that would be a wrong way to put it. Um.. no. No, you are not at all a fan."

"Interesting." Sheldon continued to blink at her from his place in the passenger's seat. Then his eyes moved towards the console of her car. "Penny. Being that I am grateful for you helping transport me home from the hospital, I feel that it is only proper to inform you that your Check Engine light appears to be on…"

"Yeah, I know, Sheldon." Penny responded sharply. "You tell me that every time you ride in my car, and it is still running fine. Like always."

"My apologies." Her harsh tone seemed to subdue Sheldon's mood immediately. He sank more heavily into the seat, quickly turning his face back towards the window to watch the world pass by outside.

Penny felt immediately awash with guilt. It wasn't as if Sheldon could remember how insufferable he could be at times. In fact, it didn't seem like he remembered much of anything before waking up in the hospital. She caught Leonard's eye in the mirror in a silent plea for help.

Taking the cue, Leonard piped up cheerfully. "Hey, what do you guys say to us stopping to get some ice cream on the way home? It'll be my treat, to celebrate Sheldon being released from the hospital."

"That sounds like a great idea, Leonard." Penny chimed in with a relieved smile. Leonard had even suggested something that he couldn't even participate in considering his problems with lactose, yet it was an activity that normally gave Sheldon immense pleasure. "You feel like getting some ice cream, Sheldon?"

"I guess." Sheldon responded dully.

Penny sighed to herself as she changed their course for the closest ice cream parlor. While the old Sheldon's constant talking had been a source of considerable misery, his new habit of withdrawing into clipped responses and sullen silence was proving to be an equivalent hassle. And since Sheldon refused to be lured out of it, the rest of the trip home was an awkwardly quiet one.

~*~*

"Okay. Here we are." Leonard said brightly as he opened the door to their apartment. He swept his arm to welcome Sheldon inside, eyes making a quick check of the interior to verify that everything was precisely where it should be.

Sheldon ambled in, the fingers jutting out from the end of his cast twitching nervously as he looked around the apartment. He seemed incredibly lost as he tried to decide exactly what to do first, hovering back and forth across the floor as Penny came in and Leonard shut the door behind them all. The tall man paused here and there to study some of their furnishings. "Well if this isn't just a quaint little bachelor pad. Two desks and two computers, obviously separate work spaces." Sheldon made a cursory examination of the kitchenette, an eyebrow arching high on his forehead. "Twin sets of everything in here, too. I won't even bother to check the bathroom facilities: I can presume already that there will be two of everything in there as well."

Leonard had been approaching the kitchenette to fetch himself something from the refrigerator, only to find Sheldon stepping directly into his path, the taller man looking sternly down at him. "Please tell me the truth Leonard, and be honest. You and I aren't engaged in an abnormal living situation, are we? And by 'abnormal living situation', of course I am inquiring as to if we are in some sort of non-heterosexual domestic relationship." Leonard's mouth dropped open as he went to respond, but Sheldon was already cutting him off with a firm shake of his head, blue eyes wide. "Because I should inform you now that I am frankly uncomfortable with the idea, and must request that the relationship end until I am in full recollection of my mental faculties."

"Dear God, Sheldon!" Leonard choked out, his head shaking in disbelief as he nudged the larger man aside in order to open the refrigerator door. He tried to ignore the fact that Penny was physically restraining herself from laughter. "We are not in any kind of relationship! We just live together. That's all."

"Like the Odd Couple." Penny called over from the living room, before she doubled over with a cackle of laughter.

Leonard looked at the blonde with an expression comparable to a kicked dog, as he closed the fridge with a bottle of water in his hand. He frowned over at Sheldon. "Put that idea far out of your mind. It's just a convenient living arrangement for the both of us. We work together, we have similar interests; we're both nerds. I like girls. A lot. And you.. Well.." Leonard hesitated, not sure how to explain himself without sounding insulting. "You like science. A lot."

"Thus explaining the presence of these white boards all over the place." Sheldon slipped past him, giving a sinuous twist of his long frame as he came to stand in front of the board he normally worked on. The surface of the board was still littered with tiny diagrams and formulas, including the very equation that Sheldon had been puzzling over the day of his fall. He folded his right arm close against his chest, left hand raising up to drum its fingers atop the surface of his cast as he let his eyes wander over the scribblings. "Remind me again exactly what my occupation entails?"

Penny came to stand beside him, finally having managed to compose herself. "You're a physicist. You work on science stuff. String quantum atomic variable theories or something. Does it make sense to you, Sheldon?"

The man's response was a derisive snort. "I don't see how it could. This is absolute gibberish to me – and considering that it is my own work, I can't foresee anyone else being able to decipher it either." Sheldon paused, tone becoming touched with reverence. "Though I am obviously a genius. And judging by that cute little smile face on the bottom edge there, quite a clever artist as well." He smiled as he tapped his finger against a symbol at the lower part of the board.

"You'd think amnesia would have done more for his personality." Leonard complained as he dropped down into the easy chair behind them. "Maybe if he fell down again and hit the other side of his head then he might actually be more pleasant."

Penny dropped on the middle of the couch with a heavy sigh. "Trust me, Leonard. I am sure that if his mother's prayers couldn't perform a miracle like that, then a fall certainly isn't going to get the job done."

Sheldon appeared oblivious to their exchange as he continued admiring the mess on the board, a tiny serene smile in place. Leonard quickly pushed his glasses higher up the bridge of his nose before addressing the man. "You should probably sit down, Sheldon. The doctor said that he didn't want you doing too many physical activities until more of the bruising fades. Howard and Raj should be here shortly with dinner."

"Oo, food sounds lovely." Sheldon admitted as he tore his attention away from the board. "I am still a little sore. Having to walk up four flights of stairs certainly didn't help." He looked at all the available spaces left on the couch before settling himself on the right side of the sofa next to Penny. Sheldon made a slight face, squirming around as he attempted to get comfortable. "You would think that someone would get the elevator fixed. People do pay to live here, correct?"

He trailed off as he noticed that both of them were staring at him in surprise. "…What?"

"Sheldon.." Leonard said tentatively, "are you sure that you don't want to sit on the other side of the couch? You know, on the other cushion?"

Looking down at himself, and then over to the indicated cushion, Sheldon was confused. "What difference does it make, Leonard, which side I sit on? It seems to me that sitting here would be ideal, because having the arm of the couch on this side will allow me to elevate my arm comfortably." He demonstrated his point by draping his cast across the brown leather. "See?"

Penny and Leonard shared a look, the woman muttering. "This is going to take some getting used to."

Their silent exchange of shock and Sheldon's obliviousness was interrupted by a knock on the door. It opened up as Howard and Raj let themselves in, the latter balancing the box that held several containers of takeout cuisine. Howard's mouth was already turning up in its customary smirk. "Well hello, my fellow nerdians." His voice dropped an octave as he acknowledged Penny. "And M'Lady. We have come to pay our tributes to your fair beauty, bringing with us fine delicacies from the exotic region of Thailand."

Raj simply shook his head. He didn't even wait for Howard to finish with his Penny-oriented endearments as he went over to set the box down on the coffee table. Howard was quite pleased with himself as he began to pass out the usual orders to the others. "We ordered a few extra side dishes tonight, considering that Sheldon has been having to put up with hospital food. Hope you don't mind if we mixed it up a little, Shel—" Howard paused in the act of handing Sheldon his order, realizing that he was offering the food to an empty seat cushion.

At the same moment, Raj had frozen. He stood there next to the couch where he usually had been designated to sit. However, Sheldon was currently occupying the space. The Indian looked wildly over at Leonard to see what he should do. Leonard waved him off dismissively. "Just sit where you want. Sheldon seems to be mixing things up just fine on his own."

"Right." Howard sluggishly twisted, serving Sheldon the food at the unexpected location. "I take it that you're still not remembering everything from before the fall?"

"Negative." Sheldon answered. "However, it is not as if I am completely without memory. My motor skills are still intact, and I have a grasp of proper behaviors as far as the physical goes. I am not going to start spontaneously urinating all over the floor, for example."

"Thanks for that." Leonard interjected with a forced smile.

Sheldon continued despite the interruption. "Yet the rest of it is very much a mystery. I doubt that I would have been able to find where I lived without Leonard's assistance, nor would I have realized that I had a zealous Christian mother still alive in the state of Texas either. As it stands, I have absolutely no memory of my occupation, my preferences, my current social relationships or even who all of you really are. I can't even remember the name of what it is that I am currently eating."

Howard gestured at Sheldon's bowl with his fork. "It's tangerine chicken. You order it every time."

"Oh." Sheldon stabbed at another lump of chicken, awkwardly holding his own utensil. "Apparently I am not left-handed, either. This is an unfortunate development."

Penny put her bowl down on the coffee table in front of her. "Sorry, Sheldon. I guess one of us should have taken that into consideration. Here, I'll help you." She took the fork out of his grasp, spearing some of his food. Penny lifted it up to his mouth so that Sheldon could get a proper bite.

Sheldon exuded gratitude as he devoured the mouthful of food. Then he frowned. "Howard?"

"Yeah, Sheldon?"

"This doesn't taste like tangerines to me."

~*~

Sheldon was surprised when the door to his bedroom opened up and it was Penny, rather than any of the other males, who entered. His posture stiffened where he sat on the foot of his bed. "Penny. This is unexpected. I had thought one of the others would have come in to help me prepare for sleep."

"I apparently have trouble grasping the concept of 'lizard' and 'Spock'." Penny explained with a shrug. She went straight to the closet, pulling it open and speaking to Sheldon over her shoulder as she searched for his pajamas. It was Tuesday, wasn't it? Hopefully he'd made labels. "It's really not a big deal, though. I've seen you in your underwear before."

"You have?" Sheldon stared at the blonde's back. "Regardless, it seems most unorthodox that someone of the opposite gender should be assisting me with such a private act as dressing for bed."

Penny finally found the designated plaid pajamas. She slipped the hangar off the rack, carrying the clothes back to where Sheldon sat. "You had a female nurse helping you in the hospital. What's the difference?"

Sheldon watched as Penny began to undo the buttons of the top. "For one, she is employed in the medical field. She gets paid to do a job, part of which requires her to deal with all sorts of private matters. Secondly… did you see her?" He shuddered. "That woman had twice my body mass and three times my facial hair."

"Well, then think of it as me repaying you a favor." Penny suggested. She reached for the buttons of his shirt to undo them, glad that the hospital staff had not redressed him with his usual T-shirt/long shirt combination. Leonard had actually managed to bring them a button dress shirt to put Sheldon in. It was going to make her task a little easier.

Penny was stopped by Sheldon placing a large hand over the tops of her fingers. Her eyes lifted from the buttons of his shirt to his face. She saw that Sheldon had turned a deep shade of red, his eyes turned fixedly away from her. His voice was low, nervous. "Penny, please. I find myself extremely uncomfortable with this idea."

"I understand." Penny dropped her hands away, placing them on her hips instead as she tried to think up a solution. "Would you be more comfortable if I closed my eyes when it came to the pants part?"

"That.. might be acceptable."

Penny nodded. "Okay. So I will help you with the shirt, because you won't be able to manage that on your own. But I will close my eyes, turn around, or whatever makes you more comfortable when we get there. Deal?"

"Deal." Sheldon relaxed a little at her compromise. "I apologize for being difficult, Penny. I know that this has been quite taxing for both you and Leonard. Please understand that this is even more difficult for me. I am in a terrible situation."

"Sheldon, sweetie, it's okay." Penny reached back to his shirt, beginning to get his buttons open. "No one can blame you if you are a bit difficult right now. I can only imagine what it must be like not to remember your life while still being expected to live it." She smiled warmly down to him. "Just know that I am here for you. No matter what happens."

"Like a guardian angel." Sheldon flashed his teeth in a fleeting grin, though his amusement was cut short by a sudden burst of pain. "..Ow."

Penny made an apologetic sound in her throat. "I'm trying to be as careful as I can. There are just so many bruises. I'll try to be more gentle."

Sheldon's jaw visibly clenched as Penny worked to get his shirt off of him. She could tell that the pain must have been bad for him, but the man dealt with it in silence. Penny saw that he was blinking rapidly and it schooled her every motion into one of extreme caution. The bruises on his torso were pretty bad. "Is your pain medication wearing off?"

"Think so." Sheldon said through his teeth.

"I'll get the bottle once we get your shirt back on. Just a little longer and you'll be all done."

She finally managed to get the sleeve of his shirt worked off over his cast, though the sleeve seemed like it was going to be stubborn. Sheldon let out a soft sigh of relief when it was finally off. He shivered, goose flesh breaking out over his torso with the sudden exposure to the room's temperature and that lingering pain. Penny worked the flannel of his sleeve carefully over the cast, glad that the sleeves were wide enough that the top slid on more easily than the other one came off.

"There we go." Penny said brightly as she finished getting the buttons done. "Nice, soft, warm pajamas. The Tuesday edition. Now you deal with your pants, and I am going to go get your pills, okay?"

"Okay, Penny. And a glass of warm milk, if you would be so kind? I understand that the consumption of warmed milk, as a simulation of breast-feeding, is actually quite handy in providing a good night's sleep."

Penny sighed. "You could have just left off at the request, and not added the explanation. But sure. Be back in a few minutes."

*~*~

Penny rapped her knuckles against Sheldon's bedroom door only once before letting herself back into his bedroom. "Here we go. One glass of warm milk and a bottle full of pills."

Sheldon looked mournfully over at her.

He was standing in front of his bed. With his pants pooled around his ankles. In his underwear and a flannel pajama top. Sheldon glanced awkwardly down at himself, his good hand lifting so that he could tug self-consciously at the bottom hem of his shirt.

Penny blinked at him a few times, then tilted her head far to the side. "Problems, Sheldon?"

"I managed the pants part just fine. But can you please help me untie my shoes?"


	3. Chapter 3

Penny sat inside her car in the parking lot of the apartment complex, staring at her cell phone, as she ignored the downpour of rain outside that beat steadily on the roof of her vehicle. She dropped it heavily into her purse and quickly flipped the visor down to check the status of her face. "Hell.." Stretching over, Penny yanked open her glove compartment. It was fortunate that she'd stuffed some tissues inside. With a few of them in hand, she dabbed at the ruin of her make-up that her crying had caused. It in no way helped to make her feel any better about her appearance, but it did make her face feel a little less sticky.

She slammed the compartment shut, snatched up her purse and quickly climbed out of the car. The rain was merciless as it poured down on her. Penny was thankful that their lot wasn't too far away from the doors. Lifting her purse up over her head as a means to block some of the rain, the blonde hurried her way inside just before the downpour had worked up enough steam to become fully torrential.

Her foul mood hit rock bottom when she pushed in through the door and found that Sheldon of all people was there in the lobby. Penny saw that he was retrieving his mail, the tall man's back facing her. She wondered if she could run up the stairs before he noticed her. Out of all the things Penny wanted to deal with at the moment, handling Sheldon – even an amnesiac version – was going to be far too much. The woman lurched sharply towards the stairwell.

"Oh. Hello, Penny." Sheldon's voice rose pleasantly behind her.

Wincing, the blonde stopped with her foot on the first step. She cleared her throat, hoping that her voice sounded normal. "Sheldon. Sorry, in a bit of a hurry. See you later."

Then Penny was hurrying up the stairs, ignoring the first sounds of protest from below. "Penny, wait--!"

Penny managed to make it up the stairs in record time, though she cursed when she discovered that her keys were now buried at the bottom of her purse. She really needed to clean the thing out! The blonde was just starting to juggle them to locate her apartment key when she heard the sound of someone coming up behind her.

"Penny? Is something the matter?"

She sighed heavily. Her attempt to avoid him was no match for Sheldon and his long legs. Penny swiped her bangs aside and forced a smile as she turned to face him. "Of course not, Sheldon. What makes you think that anything is wrong?"

Sheldon was staring at her intently. At her question, he drifted closer, head craning as he peered down at Penny's face. "The bloodshot quality of your eyes, as well as the redness of your nose and state of make-up indicate that you might currently be in a poor emotional state. Or else you've been drinking. Considering the early hour of the day, I should hope that it is the former."

"You hope that I'm in a poor emotional state?" Penny asked him dully.

"Yes." Sheldon blinked hurriedly. "I mean, no! No, of course not. It's just that if it is a matter of the cause being one situation or another, I'd much prefer that you're just being emotional and not taking up unhealthy drinking habits."

"I'm not becoming an alcoholic, Sheldon. It was just a really, really rough day today."

Penny watched as Sheldon's face shifted subtly. Not that she could ever hope to follow how the patterns of his mind worked, but it was often easy to see when he was mulling something over simply by witnessing the quirks of his features. Right now, with the twitches at the corner of his mouth, Penny could tell that he was trying to figure out how to respond. She did not want to wait for whatever condescending response he came up with, so Penny shook her head. "Too rough for me to listen to whatever snide lecture or commentary you might have. So I am going to go take a shower and try to pretend that today didn't happen. Goodnight, Sheldon."

She felt bad about shutting the door practically in his face, yet Penny knew that sometimes that was the only effective tool to stop Sheldon from sharing his thoughts. Resting back against the door in the safe security of her living room, the blonde quietly resumed her crying.

* * *

Standing there in the hall, Sheldon frowned at the closed door of apartment 4B. His hearing was surprisingly sharp; he could hear the faint sounds of Penny crying even through the painted wood. Sheldon drummed his fingers against the pile of mail that he gripped in his hand. He glanced down at the papers and was surprised to see that his knuckles were white from clutching the stack so hard. He'd even put a dent in Leonard's physics magazine.

Sheldon opened his mouth. Then closed it sharply. What was he going to say to an empty hallway? The man pivoted in place and marched back into his own apartment with a distracted frown.

* * *

"I just don't know what to do, Mom." Penny wailed into the telephone. She roughly blew her nose into another bunch of tissue before tossing it into the growing pile on the coffee table in front of her where Penny had curled up on her couch. "Getting rejected at all of these auditions is really taking its toll on me! Maybe I'm just not as talented as I thought. Plus, my manager is being hard on me more than ever this last week. He keeps giving all of my prime shifts away to the other girls."

Penny paused to listen to her mother's response. "Maybe you're right. Or else I could just move back to Nebraska."

There was a sudden knock on her door. Penny frowned into the telephone. "Hold on a minute, Mom. Someone's at the door."

She shifted the receiver to rest against her shoulder as Penny climbed off her couch. Who could it have been at this hour? Leonard and the boys were still at work. Her rent was all paid up for the month, so it couldn't have been the landlord. Penny pulled the door, only to find herself eye-to-symbol with a familiar superhero logo.

Sheldon's tongue darted out to wet his lips as he shifted his weight from foot to foot. He had a large brown grocery sack balanced in his good arm. Seeing that Penny was on the telephone seemed to ebb some of his courage away. "I apologize for the interruption. I was unaware that you were occupied with a conversation."

Penny lifted the telephone back up to her mouth. "Mom? Lemme call you back later. Love you, too." She hung up, cocking her hip to rest against the side of the opened door as she looked up at Sheldon. "Did you need something, Sheldon?"

"It isn't so much a matter of need." Sheldon shook his head. He lifted the arm with the bag in it to indicate it. "I found myself unable to let the matter of your unhappiness leave my mind, so I brought some items for you that I understand might help improve your mood. May I come in?"

"Sure." She took a step back from the door to let him inside. Penny watched as Sheldon swept into her apartment, the man immediately moving to place the sack down on the counter of her kitchenette. There was a very good chance that this was going to lead nowhere pleasant. Despite that, the woman found herself curious. "What have you got there?"

Sheldon smiled as he reached into the sack, beginning to pull stuff out. "I wasn't entirely certain how to properly handle the situation, so I did some research on the internet. After obtaining a better grasp of recommended steps on how to proceed, I took it upon myself to walk to the small convenience store and pick up a few items that seemed appropriate."

Penny watched as he set down three small quarts of ice cream and a handful of chocolate bars. Sheldon's face was lit up with pride. "I purchased these food items because they are thought of as 'comfort foods' that women tend to enjoy when in poor spirits."

He then reached into the bag again and pulled out a DVD. "I also took the liberty of borrowing one of Leonard's romantic comedies. It occurred to me that viewing the formulaic yet pleasing tale of a young empowered woman and her adventures in the world of dating might somehow cheer you up."

"I don't know, Sheldon. That sounds more like a documentary of my life right now.." Penny said hesitantly as she approached him to take hold of the DVD, before a small, pleased sound squeaked out of her throat. "Oh, I love this one!"

"So did eighty percent of the people who reviewed the film. I looked it up." Sheldon said proudly, his mouth twisting into a quirky smile. "You want to watch it, then?"

"Sure!" Penny's answer was automatic. Then she seemed to realize his unspoken implications. "Wait… with you? You want to watch this with me?"

Sheldon's smile faded away. "Well. I mean, naturally, I could let you watch it alone if you preferred."

"No, no – that's not it. I'm just a bit shocked that you would want to – how did you put it the last time? – 'suffer through a droll rom-com'."

Sheldon's unbound shoulder pitched up in a quick shrug, fingers fussing with the lid of the closest ice cream container as he studied it with increasing fascination. "It probably isn't my favorite genre. I can only assume that I tend to like other things. But to be perfectly honest, Leonard won't be home for a while now. Being in the apartment alone is rather unnerving. I never know when I might forget the simplest of things: Like what to do when the telephone rings and someone asks me if I am pleased with my cable service. Do I even have cable service?"

"Um. I think so? I don't really know how happy you are with their service, though." Penny shook her head. Feeling a surge of sympathy, she placed her hand down upon his to stop him from plucking at the container any further. Penny angled her head until she finally caught a glimpse of blue peeking back at her, as the blonde smiled encouragingly. "Would you like to sit with me and watch this movie, Sheldon?"

Her response from him was a beaming smile. Then Sheldon retrieved his hand from under Penny's in order to pluck a couple spoons from where they'd been nesting near the sink. He held them up in his fingers for her to take one, murmuring happily. "Let's do this."

* * *

Leonard sighed over the top of his lunch. "Do you ever wonder…?" He trailed off distantly.

Howard glanced up as he stabbed more potatoes with his fork. "If they're real or implants? All the time."

"No.." Leonard scoffed at the man's interjection. "Do you ever wonder if maybe Sheldon not having his memories is a potentially _good_ thing?"

"I take it that you're referring to the fact that his personality has turned for the better?" Raj piped up from his place next to Howard at the table. "Or perhaps the fact that he has gone from King Dick-tator to a tolerable, less demanding individual? Or that he is more lenient on the television schedule? Or that—"

"Yes, all those things." Leonard waved his fork around through the air in front of him. He scowled off ahead of him as he considered the situation. "It's almost a shame to think that we'll have to go back to putting up with him when he finally gets his marbles together. Is that terrible of me to think, being that I'm his friend and all?"

Howard snorted, placing his bottle of water back down on the table. "I don't see how it could be. Sheldon has been a lot easier to get along with lately. I can't understand why you would feel bad for being grateful that your roommate is not such a big pain in the asteroid. My only wish is that it could last a little longer. Like.. forever, maybe."

"You could always find some way to hit him over the head again when he seems on the verge of remembering." Raj suggested cheerfully. "It's not as if he would remember you doing it after he regains consciousness."

"I don't know.." Howard drummed his fork against the edge of his plate. "There's no guarantee that he would forget the assault part. If I thought such a plan would work, I would have already implemented it."

"Howard!" Leonard admonished him sternly. "Now that kind of talk is getting a little out of line, don't you think?"

"What?" Howard looked at him in confusion. "I was talking about my mother."

Leonard blinked owlishly. "Oh. Well, in that case, I could see where it might be useful."

"I think it would be best if you just sat down with Sheldon and explained your concerns to him." Raj murmured. "Perhaps if you were to appeal to his better nature as it is now, then when he finally comes back into his normal self, Sheldon might take consideration of your feelings on the matter. That way, even if his mind doesn't remember, his heart will not forget."

"That was really deep, Raj." Leonard stared at his Indian friend in awe. "Is that some sort of spiritual Hindu belief?"

"Nah. I just heard something like it in a video game once."

"I see. Well, it still makes perfect sense to me." Leonard nodded decisively. "I will talk to Sheldon about it as soon as I get home."


	4. Chapter 4

My apologies if these installments seem so short. Unfortunately, my muse is a cheeky little imp that only pops up occasionally when I am not swamped with work.

Thank you to those who have sent your words of encouragement regarding this story. I hope that none of you will be disappointed.

* * *

"Hm."

Penny's attention was strictly divided between the television screen and her spoon, just as it had been for the past thirty minutes. At that sound of displeasure from Sheldon she paused in the act of licking the last traces of chocolate syrup from the back of the utensil. "What?"

"Oh, nothing." Sheldon said lightly in an effort to dismiss her attention. Yet when Penny's eyes swiveled back to the screen, he spoke up again. "It just seems all too convenient, don't you think?"

"What does?"

"The progress of events in this film." Sheldon explained. He shook his head, blue eyes locking onto Penny's confused face. "While I understand that this is meant to be entertaining, I can't help but feel as if the people who created this film are somehow mocking my intelligence."

Penny laughed. "Sheldon, they aren't mocking you. It's supposed to be a comedy. A romantic comedy. There isn't that much to it other than that they are simply trying to tell you a story. You're just supposed to sit back and enjoy it. Don't over-analyze it."

Sheldon sighed wearily. "I'm trying not to. I just can't help myself. The entire scene of this movie has proven utterly unbelievable since the opening credits; I can't just overlook the blatant errors."

The woman tilted her head fast enough that her ponytail went swinging. Penny regarded Sheldon with the same disbelief she might have expressed towards some unknown sub-species of human. "Errors? What errors?"

"Okay." Sheldon had been nestled comfortably in the cushions of Penny's couch. Now he wriggled up until he sat straighter taking enough care not to jostle his arm where it remained rested on the arm of the sofa. He set his finished tub of ice cream down on the coffee table, utilizing his spoon as a demonstration device as he drew an invisible graph into the air in front of them.

"Let us begin with the opening sequence. We are to be convinced from a montage of events lasting little more than three minutes, that the lead female in this movie is a character that is both likeable, attractive, and holds all the qualities of being an ideal romantic partner. It is also made very clear that this woman, being independent enough that she has to work to provide herself a living, operates without any consideration of entering into a relationship. Do you follow so far?"

"I guess so.." Penny said hesitantly.

"Good. Now, cue the handsome leading man. It is established what an important, successful businessman that he is. We are made to believe this because he wears an expensive suit and obviously visits a hairstylist on a regular basis. We can also reach this hypothesis because his car costs more than our combined yearly salaries."

"Then this businessman just happens to stumble across this attractive, independent woman while she is in the middle of her work. We are lead to believe, by the sappy underscore of music, that they fall in love immediately."

"Yes, Sheldon. That's how the whole 'love at first sight' thing usually works."

"But are you honestly telling me that you buy it? I mean, come on. The man has the means to travel internationally at his leisure. He could find any potential mate throughout the entire planet. However, he somehow manages to end up at this hotel and runs across this maid cleaning rooms. Thanks to the illusions of film, both he and the audience find her to be immaculately styled; hair perfect, make-up in place, alluring even in her uniform. Does anyone even think that such a feat would be possible for someone in that kind of service industry?"

Sheldon snorted. "Halfway through her shift, her hair should have been unraveling from that bun. Her lipstick would have worn somewhat over time. And she would have smelled like a combination of cleaning products, which is hardly 'alluring'."

"It's totally possible for her to—" Penny had started to disagree with his assessment. Then her mind flashed on how it was at her own workplace. Despite a concerted effort to look flawless throughout an entire shift, by the end of the day she still looked like she had been running through a tornado. "Okay. Point."

Sheldon looked smug at her agreement. "Next thing. I cannot fathom how this relationship will pan out between them. The events of their courtship seem entirely too easy. We are shown nothing concerning the difficulties that should come with their attempted romantic union."

Penny lifted up her spoon to interject. "Wait, wait, wait. They're perfectly suited to each other. Just look at how well their personalities match."

"Oh ho ho." Sheldon corrected, as he tapped his spoon against hers. "That's where they have succeeded in fooling you, Penny. You were duped into thinking that their personalities are automatically meant to mesh harmoniously. What the filmmakers did not provide is the internal dialogue that must surely be taking place in the minds of these two lead characters. Granted, right now the female feels gratitude towards her male counterpart that he has taken her from a lifestyle where she had to work for a living and has placed her in a comfortable position of acquired wealth through marriage."

"Woman kind of like that thing, Sheldon. If I had a millionaire offer to pamper me inside an enormous mansion, I would jump on the opportunity."

"But just consider the sacrifice that she's making, Penny." Sheldon argued. "True, she no longer has to worry about the concerns of potential poverty that afflict the middle-glass demographic. Yet the trade for that is that she loses the independence that was established as being so very important to her at the start of the film. That leaves us only with one of two conclusions: The filmmakers believe that no woman can resist the temptation of interdependence enough to remain single, or they just want to convey their personal belief that no woman should be independent."

"You preach it, sister." Penny drawled sarcastically, pumping a fist into the air in a mockery of support.

Sheldon eyed her uncertainly. "Penny. I'm not your sister. I'm not even a female."

The woman sighed deeply. Sheldon's grasp of sarcasm had not improved at all. Penny wet her lips, changing the subject. "This film isn't supposed to be an example of real life situations, Sheldon. It is supposed to be full of comical events, unlikely coincidences, and unrealistic romantic situations. That's what romantic comedies do, Sheldon."

"Oh." The man blinked owlishly at the credits that were rolling on the screen. "In that case, it was really good."

Penny rolled her eyes. "Look. It's supposed to be an example of what romance could be like. Believe it or not, Sheldon, most people don't want to be alone in their lives. They enjoy being able to share a life with someone else. Someone to laugh with, someone to wake up next to, someone to wash dishes with, someone to—" She broke off when she realized that she was brewing up a tirade. "Nevermind. This discussion is just going to depress me."

She saw that Sheldon had tilted up his broken arm while she spoke. He was stroking thoughtfully at his chin with the thumb that jutted out. "Hm. So you're trying to hypothesize that everyone feels the need to match with an ideal partner? I suppose that science does contain evidence leading towards that conclusion. Apparently the biological desire to procreate is present in most living creatures. Humans, being as advanced as they are, wouldn't be immune to that either."

"I don't know that everyone feels the need to.. um.. procreate." Penny said. She was beginning to feel mildly uncomfortable with where this conversation was headed. Mentally, Penny made a note to ask Leonard later if anyone had ever given Sheldon 'the talk', with a little prayer that it wasn't about to fall to her. "People usually just like to share the space with others. Not many people like to be alone."

"It's the pack mentality. In the beginning, humans traveled together in groups, both as a tactic for survival and for safety. It was easier to hunt in groups when the prey was so considerably large. Plus, with the advantage of more people, it was easier to share the burden of responsibilities. Humanity was never fully evolved from stabbing animals with spears and hitting each other with rocks. Now they just express that ancient practice through buffets and bullets."

Penny couldn't help a laugh at his choice of words. She shook her head in amusement. "You know, you never cease to amaze me. Right now you can't even remember if you have cable or not, but you can remember something as random as ancient humans and their behavior."

"I watched a documentary on it recently on the Discovery Channel." Sheldon admitted with a shrug. "Your explanation, though, does have me thinking."

"What's that?" Penny returned to her ice cream, attempting to scrape out the last traces of vanilla that had taken on the substance of liquid from the bottom of the tub. She dipped the spoon into her mouth while tossing Sheldon an expectant look.

"Perhaps I need to find an ideal partner." The man said decisively. Sheldon turned immediately concerned when Penny made a strangled sound around her spoon. "Penny. Don't choke."

"S-sorry." With an apology, Penny dropped her spoon into the empty container. She placed it down on the table in front of her and quickly sucked off a stray dab of cream from her thumb. The woman sat back, shaking her head to collect herself, as Penny twisted on the couch to look at Sheldon more directly. "You just surprised me. You're the last person that I would have ever expected to hear that from."

"Really? I suppose that sounds accurate compared to all the discoveries that I have made so far about my lifestyle prior to the accident." Sheldon furrowed his eyebrows together. "Maybe I am unsuited to those kinds of relationships."

"You're pretty unsuited to all relationships." Penny pointed out automatically. Seeing the wash of disappointment that came over Sheldon's face, she winced before patting him cheerfully on the knee. "That doesn't mean that you can't change that now, right? Losing your memory doesn't have to prevent you from learning new things about yourself. Maybe you could find an 'ideal partner'. What kind of a girl do you think you'd like, Sheldon?"

Sheldon licked his lips, shifting on the couch as he warmed up to the conversation. "I haven't thought about it. What are the ideal qualities that one should look for in a potential mate?"

"First off, 'mate' is a weird word to use. There's usually plenty of stuff that comes before the, uh, mating part. Like multiple dates, conversations, things like that."

"Really?" Sheldon looked briefly aside. "Leonard made a mention that you tend to go into the mating process rather quickly in a relationship."

Penny's cheerful expression fell flat. "Did he, now?" She bit the words off through clenched teeth, forcing that to look more like a smile. "I'll have to have a talk with him about it later."

"I'm sure that he didn't mean it to be insulting." Sheldon said in defense of his roommate. "He simply meant to warn me that if I heard any loud noises similar to human distress coming from your door, that I wasn't to disturb you unless said sounds were unmistakably alarming in nature. When I didn't understand him, Leonard informed me that you sometimes have male company and that, depending on the skills of the male, often created loud mating noises that tend to carry through our living room."

Penny felt her face suddenly burn hot. She knew that she was blushing with that innocent revelation on Sheldon's part. Clearing her throat, Penny tried to put it out of her mind. "Anyhow. Let's get back to the topic of admirable qualities for a girlfriend, shall we? I think that the most obvious bits should be there. You want a girl with good moral ethics; honest, upstanding, caring. You want someone that you can get along with. An occasional fight here and there can be good for a relationship, but getting into arguments with someone all the time isn't the best situation for two people."

"Perfectly understandable. Proceed."

"Well, you want someone that will fit into your life. Someone who gets along with your friends and things like that." Penny smirked faintly. "The best piece of advice that I can give is to look for someone that would meet the approval of someone important in your life, like your mother, for example."

"My mother lives in Texas. It is hardly ideal for me to keep taking potential partners down there for her to screen." Sheldon said dubiously.

"True." Penny chewed on the inside of her lip, then snapped her fingers. "I've got it. If you're not certain about the girl, then you can just bring her around for me to check her out. My instincts are usually really good about other people – especially other women."

"I suppose that's a viable option." Sheldon looked away from her, focusing on where the television screen had returned to the film's digital menu. "So I am looking for a girl who is nice, with no criminal history, who tolerates the members of my social circle and would meet my mother's approval."

"Pretty much."

Sheldon was silent for a while. Penny left him staring thoughtfully at the menu screen as she gathered up their finished ice cream tubs. She dropped them into the trash before starting to rinse the spoons. They dropped into the basin with a clatter when Sheldon abruptly spoke up behind her. "Why don't you just be my ideal partner?"

Penny turned slowly, her posture stiff. Had she just misheard him? "What?"

Sitting there on her couch, Sheldon had turned to face where she was working in the kitchenette. His blue eyes were quite large as he blinked innocently towards Penny. "It seems that it would be a difficult, lengthy process for me to interact with a stranger long enough to learn whether they have those qualities. You already possess them. Since you seem to not be currently attached, and I am equally unattached, it makes sense. You should be my partner."

"Sheldon." Penny's voice was very quiet when she finally managed to discover where her voice had gone hiding. "Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?"

"Sure." He nodded, before his mouth spread into one of his beaming smiles. "You don't even have to worry about making the mistake of rushing into procreation immediately like usual. My doctor wouldn't approve." Sheldon hefted his cast up into the air to indicate why.

Penny stared at him in wide-eyed silence. Then she clapped her hands together in front of her and hurried towards him. Hauling Sheldon up from the couch by his good arm, Penny began to usher him out of her apartment. "Right. Well, that was a fun time, Sheldon. Thanks for the company and the ice cream. I'll talk to you later, okay, take care, bye!"

Sheldon found himself out in the hallway before she had even finished speaking. He was dazed with confusion as Penny shut the door between them. Sheldon twisted when he heard the sound of keys jingling behind him, only to find Leonard standing by their door. The bespectacled man scrutinized Sheldon, before sighing. "What did you do to upset Penny this time, Sheldon?"

The question just added to Sheldon's bafflement. He looked from Leonard to Penny's door and back, shaking his head. "I don't even know."

Leonard nodded knowingly. He stepped over to clasp Sheldon's good shoulder. "We might someday unravel the entire scope of the universe, Doctor Cooper, but we will never comprehend the logic of women. Come on. Let's go watch some television. I have something to talk about with you later."

"Okay." Sheldon was still very uncertain of what was going on. Regardless, he was docile as he let Leonard guide him into their apartment.

* * *

"Dear Diary.."

Sheldon scowled down at the page before crossing it roughly out. "Good God. That makes it sound like I'm some sappy pre-teen girl. I honestly don't see what my doctor was thinking when he recommended doing this."

His physician had made the suggestion that he organize his thoughts and experiences into written form. It was meant to hopefully trigger something familiar that would aid Sheldon towards regaining his memories. Sheldon could not argue that it was at least worth an attempt on his part, since nothing else seemed to be working. However, it would need to be done correctly, under his terms. He considered what a more appropriate beginning would be, then nodded and began to write again.

"Dear _Journal_. Women are confusing. The end. Sincerely, Sheldon Cooper."

It was enough for now. Sheldon nodded in satisfaction and put the journal aside. Sliding off the edge of his bed, he made his way for the living room and Leonard's promise for a chat and some take-out.

* * *

Penny felt like every nerve was alive, singing with satisfaction as she fell heavily onto her side of the bed. She panted unsteadily, swallowing for breath as she pushed sweat-slicked hair out of her face. "Wow.." She breathed out. "That was amazing."

Shifting her weight, she snuggled up to the heated warmth of the body in bed beside her, relishing in the contact of it as Penny waited for her senses to get back under control. Her hand drifted over the smooth planes of his stomach as she exhaled another sound of satisfaction through her nostrils. "Where did you even learn to do all that?"

The body beside her shifted so that Sheldon could push his weight up on both elbows. His blue eyes were still darkened with desire, mouth set into an impish little smirk as he looked down into her face. "Where else? The internet."

"…!"

Penny felt herself choking off a scream in her throat as she lurched awake in bed. Her eyes stared widely into the darkness of her bedroom, chest heaving in the aftermath of the dream that she'd just been having. She pressed her hands up against her face, feeling it burning with heat and coated in a sheen of sweat. Penny shook her head in mortified horror.

"Holy crackers. This is not good."


End file.
